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Naughty Nonna Knows All: Advice to the Perplexed

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Naughty Nonna Knows All: Advice to the Perplexed

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Dear Naughty Nonna,

My friends keep telling me that women have many erogenous zones. What the heck are erogenous zones and is there a map that I should buy to find them?

Sincerely,
Mystified Magellan.

Magellan,

Hopefully you won’t need a map, but a compass might work. Aside from the obvious genitalia, many other parts of a woman, or man, for that matter, can elicit moans of pleasure. Use these as a signal as you get hotter and colder, like a game of Marco Polo. A sensual massage is a great way to learn the particularly sensitive spots on your partner’s body. When caressing your lady, pay particular attention to the spots that cause noticeable reactions, trying delicate touches and nibbles on places such as the small of the back, the insides of elbows or knees, and the back of the neck. Anticipation in itself is a powerful tool in foreplay. Don’t forget the largest erogenous zone a woman has is the brain. Experiment, Magellan, and don’t be afraid to ask your lady what particularly pleases her. Have fun exploring!

Dear Naughty Nonna,

My boyfriend and I want to get kinky with food in the bedroom, but don’t know where to start. My partner and I have tried chocolate but after a while we stuck to one another. Do you have any other suggestions that might work and still be sexy?

Sincerely,
Culinary Challenged.

CC,

Food has been used as an aphrodisiac for thousands of years. Using food in the bedroom is mostly reserved for people who don’t do their own laundry, or for hotels. Many foods will end up sticky, like honey, chocolate or whipped cream. So start in a place where cleanup is easier and maybe move on to the shower. Also, the whole act of cooking a fine meal together can set the stage for romance. I encourage you to try bringing the food in as foreplay instead. Please don’t bring your hot plate into the bedroom, as that can start the kind of fire you don’t want. A fresh sprig of rosemary delicately brushing sensitive areas, mixed with the olfactory experience of the woodsy fragrance of this herb, can only be a recipe for pleasure. Sharing fondue over candlelight, feeding each other chocolate-dipped strawberries and chunks of crusty bread with hot, melted cheese dripping from it can heat up the rest of the night, even if the food (or dessert) doesn’t make it into the bedroom. If you consider yourself a gastrophile, “The New Intercourses: An Aphrodisiac Cookbook” by Martha Hopkins and Randall Lockridge might make a great present for you or the one you love.

Dear Naughty Nonna,

My new boy-toy and I just hit a bump in our rapid road to romance. We were ready to do the deed, and then somehow he ended up mentioning that he’s uncircumcised. My friends tell me that it’s okay to love a man with a nightcap, but I don’t know what to do! Do I have to change my game to accommodate? Should I be worried about it being gross? Is there a way to proceed without actually having to look at it? Help!

Sincerely,
Nervous of the Nightcap

Well, Nervous,

Consider yourself extremely lucky. Nightcaps are a good thing. Who doesn’t want to be invited in for one? Although the number of men who have their genitalia surgically altered at birth is declining, the majority of men you come across will probably be circumcised. Don’t be afraid to look at it. Think of it as a work of art and your own personal play thing. There are no particular concerns you should have, but be concerned if you detect any foul odor, because that could indicate the presence of bacteria. Bacteria are bad. The only other concern I have is if your mate complains about condom use. Being intact is no reason to not wear a condom. Safety first!

Letters to Naughty Nonna can be emailed to basementmedicine@gmail.com or dropped off in the Basement Medicine office, Willey Library and Learning Center room 327.

This column is for entertainment only. Any advice, guidance or other information that you receive is not a substitute for advice, programs or treatment that you would normally receive from a licensed professional such as a doctor or psychiatrist. If you have immediate concerns, please seek help from the Campus Heath Center at 635-1265 or call your physician. JSC’s Women Center in Dewey Hall also has a list of available resources and information. They are open from 1 to 5 Monday through Thursday.

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