This issue my fellow contributor Tom is going to see the latest film in the immensely popular James Bond franchise, “SkyFall.” And while I too will probably see the movie in theatres, I thought it best to do a look back at the long line of movies that turned Bond (…James Bond) into such an international icon. As such I am giving you a retrospective on one of my personal favorite 007 movies, “The Spy Who Loved Me.” Why is it one of my favorite movies in the franchise? Well, you are simply going to have to read the full review, aren’t you? So pour yourself a fresh martini, shaken not stirred, and throw on your best high-class outfit, you are about to spy on a great movie.

Right off the bat, we have to talk about Roger Moore. Every movie has to examine the actor that plays the ever-smooth James Bond so we can see how the character has evolved over the last half-century. These days, James Bond is a no-nonsense, chiseled jaw of ass-kicking that fights with a thuggish tenacity that will see him through every dirty situation M sends him into. But though Daniel Craig is a fine actor in his own right, he isn’t my ideal James Bond. That honor has to go to the original and greatest, Sean Connery. However, Roger Moore is a close second in my book. While Connery oozes raw sexuality and deadliness in equal measure, Moore is an altogether different animal. While he isn’t a hideous burn victim, most of his affect on the ladies comes from his boyish charm and his ineffably dry humor. Some people think of him as the most clownish of the various Bonds (and considering he once dressed up like a clown in a Bond movie, it’s hard to argue with that), but I like to think of him as the man who perfected the James Bond quip. Connery certainly had his funny lines, but Moore turned them into a staple. Also, Moore was responsible for the famous JUDO CHOP, which became so well known that if you were ever wondering why Austin Powers shouts it before he does it, you now know the source. Not that Moore shouted it, but the fact that he did it so much and so recognizably. Anyway, enough of my rambling about the actor, let’s move on to the actual plot of the film.

The Spy Who Loved Me is the tenth film in the James Bond franchise, and is adapted from the novel of the same name by Ian Fleming. We open with the immortal shot of James Bond walking casually while we look at him through the barrel of a gun, and he shows the gunman why you do NOT mess with James “Sexy Murder” Bond. It feels like greeting an old friend. Anyway, the movie really opens up with everyday life on board a British submarine, when all of a sudden massive power failure forces the craft to rise to the surface, where the periscope officer notices something that chills his blood. We find out through exposition dialogue that a similar event has happened to a Soviet nuclear submarine, causing the two vessels to vanish. This causes their respective governments to send their best agents on the case to find out what has caused their disappearance: 007 and Agent Triple X respectively. However, before we can get to the meat of the plot, James Bond has to engage in the opening action scene as all James Bond movies do, this time with him ski-fighting some rival agents, concluding with him parachuting off of a cliff, straight into the opening montage. “Nobody Does It Better” plays, over multicolored, naked women doing gymnastics over very phallic guns. Gotta love the subtly of the series. Anyway, the agent’s investigations take them to Egypt, where the world is introduced to the best Goddamned henchmen in all of movies: Jaws, the towering, nigh invincible badass with the steel teeth. Jaws gives the two reluctantly teamed up agents a terribly hard time, and only after some truly ridiculous creative work on James’ part, do they loose the lumbering minion. By the way, have I mentioned that Jaws’ employer is a power mad millionaire who lives in an underwater building and has an insane love of man-eating sharks, his favorite way of dispatching people? Because that is kind of important. Also, the inspiration of Dr. Evil’s love of freakin’ sharks with freakin’ laser beams attached to their heads! He wants to do…something. He’s like a really anarchistic poncy European guy. Oh, and he has a really evil sounding name too, Karl Stromberg. He plans to kidnap the two subs mentioned earlier with his special tanker ship, steal the missiles and launch them at New York and Moscow, causing nuclear war. And from the ashes, have humanity survive in his underwater city Atlantis. So…typical 70’s James Bond goodness. I won’t give away the entirety of the plot, because I want you to see it for yourself, but needless to say, the climax of the movie is AWESOME.

So if you go decide to see “SkyFall,” be sure to remember the roots of the 50-year-old film franchise. Not every movie may be the best, but they are all part of the lovely male-power-fantasy-tapestry that makes up the world’s most well known spy. “The Spy Who Loved Me” ranks as one of my favorite James Bond movies for very simple reasons. One, the scheme is your basic Cold War era “Stop both countries from destroying the world” plotline which I love so much. Two, James Bond is so suave he bags himself a Russian super spy after KILLING HER LOVER…Jesus Tea-Drinking Christ, that is one smooth operator. And Three, Jaws. ‘Nuff said. So, I highly recommend this Bond film for any old-school fans out there. You will be glad you did.