As a critic, I have a responsibility to keep my finger on the pulse of popular culture, and then diagnose exactly what is wrong with it, or right with it; we critics aren’t always cynical buggers with snide comments ready in our hate-gun. We have to examine what we are reviewing from multiple angles to fully criticize it, objectively, properly. Though I didn’t care for some of the games I’ve reviewed in the past, I had to look at them objectively. At times, not an easy thing to do.

I do not like first-person-shooters (FPSs), especially ones made last decade. FPSs have become homogenized into a soup of sameness–the “Call of Modern Battle Duty Field War Effect,” as I like to call it. If you plopped me down in front of one of these games, didn’t let me see the title screen, and then asked what game it was, I couldn’t possibly guess.

This brings us to the highly anticipated “Call of Duty: Black Ops 2.” This game sold a trillion and a half copies, and everyone has bananas in their pants over it. How do I, your humble, yet always correct critic, see this newest installment in the “Call of Modern Battle Duty Field War” franchise? Well, it’s not great. Not as bad as “Dishonored,” but I’m forgetting about the game even as I type these words.

“Call of Duty: Black Ops 2” follows the incredibly improbable military missions of David Mason, the son of the schizophrenic death-god, Alex Mason, from the last “Call of Duty: Black Ops.” Actually, that is only partially accurate. Due to a very annoying framing device (I won’t spoil it for fans of the series, but just a word of warning for anyone who attempts this: If you aren’t Bryan Singer, DON’T) you get to play the continuing missions of over-the-hill Alex Mason during the 80s and 90s. Alex’s parts are basically just ports from the last game with very few changes, though you can ride horses in his missions in the Middle East, which is special.

Though set in the future, 13 years to be exact, I simply do not buy the storyline’s technological progression: Special HUD glasses, and wrist-mounted touch-screen multi-purpose tools? Sure. Updated camouflage designs? Why not? Super nano-tech gloves that can bore into solid stone yet still be flexible enough to use for delicate computer operation? Hell no. “Predator”-style invisibility? NO. Super-mini jet-parachutes? In the next 13 years? Are you kidding me? By 2050, maybe, but by 2026?

The overarching plot is: You shoot people because they are bad for you and bad for America. Actually, you have to stop a terrorist guy named Raul Menendez, who in the next 13 years supposedly gets around 2 billion fanatical followers worldwide. Why? How? Pfft. Screw that noise. Blow stuff up with future guns!

The control scheme of “Call of Duty: Black Ops 2” plays identically to every FPS on a console that you have played this generation; the controls are very intuitive, and won’t throw you for a loop. They are also very tight and responsive, and there is no delay in action even when the firefights get heavy.

Technically, “Call of Duty: Black Ops 2” is at the pinnacle of its game. It has to be to facilitate all the multiplayer stuff.
However, this is also a weakness: they failed to innovate their control scheme, a problem with many FPSs. It really speaks to the weakness of the genre when the controls have stagnated this much over the years.

As always, “Call of Modern Battle Duty Field War” pushes the edge graphically. The events that take place in the future are distinct from the stuff in the past due to color choices that make everything look like “The Matrix.”

The sound design doesn’t help either. Even in big, epic, set-piece battles with swelling orchestral numbers, the music didn’t stick with me any longer than it took it to slither into my ear-hole.

The best thing I can say about “Call of Duty: Black Ops 2” is that it is a very well put together game. I know I am again going to be in the minority on this one because according to sales numbers most of you think this game is the cure for cancer and the last word in gaming, but what can you do?

At best, I’d recommend you rent this game for a few zombie matches, and then go play a FPS game that has personality and is different from the grey sludge that is most of them these days.

Ever played “Team Fortress 2?” Go buck wild with it. You’ll thank me.