J-Spot educator: “Loosen up, Americans!”


Jay Friedman (courtesy NCLS.com

A new record might have been set for student attendance at a Creative Audience event. Director of First-Year Experience Margo Warden said multiple times how surprised she was at the turnout to see Jay Friedman talk about sex in his seminar called ‘J-Spot.’

Bentley 207 was packed, with all seats taken and the floor and aisles crowded with bodies.

Friedman is a certified sex educator who travels the world giving sex-education lectures. His lecture on campus Wednesday night, Oct. 23, had students laughing throughout the 2- hour presentation.

Cat calls and ‘woos’ were common, as well as students yelling out “vagina,” “penis,” “clit,” and “orgasm, orgasm, orgasm!”

Although the lecture incorporated humor in an excellent way, Friedman took time to be serious as well. He was passionate in telling the audience how his work is both praised and hated, how he has even received death threats for his work.

He is afraid for America and how “sexaphobic” the nation is. This was his overarching theme of the night. He did not deny the ways in which media and advertising use sexual images and innuendos to sell, and how America is full of sex in this way, but to Friedman, the excuse that “sex sells” is an immature and unnatural way to view sexuality.

He often compared America to other European nations that have a better grip on sexuality and where individuals are openly taught about this important part of life from a young age. He even showed a Scandinavian sexual education video that showed explicit animated portrayals of masturbation and ejaculation.

Other key points of his lecture included homophobia among young men, how individuals can inadvertently put sexual pressure on their partners, how many parts of the United States still shy away from sexual education in schools, and how sexism is linked to sexual ignorance.

Friedman also spent some time speaking about how partners can have healthy relationships. “A key to a healthy relationship is to be as open and honest as possible,” he said.

Later in his presentation he added to this, saying “I am the type of person that believes in communication and being assertive, asking for your sexual needs to be met with your partner.”

When Friedman began speaking about “the myth of blue balls,” the audience erupted in laughter.

Without missing a beat, he said, “I see some of the guys looking at me saying ‘Jay, don’t take away our last good excuse.’”

Some of the other lighter and more explicit topics of the night included the wonders and pleasures of lube, which he knows from first-hand experience (put a little bit in the reservoir tip of the condom he said while smiling, it feels great!) and how people can learn about sex from various types of food.

“Anytime is a good time for steak,” he said.

When speaking about eating lobster he said, “You know, sometimes it gets messy, stuff goes flying all over the place, you know, and hits the person in the face next to you…Some people like their sex neat and clean and tidy, and organized and that’s great…some people like their sex to be ooey, gooey, sticky, stainy, melty, jumping, exploding, and that’s why we have nightstands with hand towels on them.”

He also spoke of the importance of Kegels (which he might or might not have been doing during the lecture) and how this genital exercise can increase sexual stamina for both men and women.

At one point Friedman compared male sexual passion to microwaves and females to crock-pots. He gave much advice on how to make the entire body one big erogenous zone, and he spent a good amount of time speaking about how sexual partners will achieve peak pleasure if they are less “genitally concerned.”

He spoke of how often females are less confident to masturbate, and how in order to be comfortable with a partner people must first be comfortable pleasing themselves. He ended this portion of his lecture with humor, almost giving the females in the audience the task of masturbating.

Friedman related everything he discussed to his conviction that sexual education is under attack, and his passion for people to be able to understand themselves and their partners sexually.

He used facts to support his claims that the sexual ignorance of America affects the nation in a negative way.

“The U.S. has the highest rate of teen pregnancy of just about any developed country in the world,” he said. “Countries like Sweden, Denmark, Belgium and the Netherlands, teen pregnancy rates are five to seven times lower than ours, abortions rates lower, STI rates lower, sexual assault rates lower. It’s because countries like those promote open communication about sex, provide quality, comprehensive sex education.”

Friedman ended his presentation on a somber note: “Sex and sex education are under serious attack in this country,” he said. “Those death threats do not scare me, they simply harden my resolve and build my conviction to give you the information you demand, desire and deserve.”