“Curse of the Dragon Slayer” unintentionally hilarious

Have you ever watched a movie where every moment is more incredulous than the last? Well, if you haven’t yet, consider having your mind blown by watching “Curse of the Dragon Slayer,” located on Netflix.

The whole film looked like someone with $10,000 and a computer decided to make a “Dungeons and Dragons” movie, while also borrowing from every other fantasy thing out there in the world. Most of the fantasy influences appeared to be from “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy, but there was also a good deal of “Star Wars” lurking in there as well.

Surprisingly, this flagrant borrowing of props and music didn’t detract from the movie’s “watchability.” If one views it as an accidental comedy, then the movie is decent. The subtitles on Netflix also add to the inherent hilarity. “[chuckles sarcastically],” indeed.

Also known as “SAGA: Curse of the Shadow” on IMDb, the movie started out on Kickstarter. While I couldn’t find out how much it took to make this movie, the goal for the sequel is $35,000, which should have told me something about this movie’s production quality.

The movie begins with a figure trekking across the desert, after slaying the titular dragon. And while we don’t find out her name until a later conversation, the subtitles call this mysterious figure Nemyt. Played by Danielle Chuchran, whose major claim to fame is her role as Thing One in the most recent “Cat in the Hat” film, she spends the whole movie glaring through colored contacts.

Soon after, we are introduced to the other main characters: Keltus Wanderer and Kullimon the Black, a human warrior and an orc respectively, who were played by relatively unknown actors. Keltus is portrayed by Richard McWilliams, an Irish actor whose previous works include “Dawn of the Dragonslayer.” I am starting to see a theme here.

Meanwhile, Kullimon the Black was played by Paul D. Hunt, who is also relatively unknown. As an orc, half of his lines seemed to consist of growling, snarling or chuckling. But he was the biggest source of hilarity, both through his lines and just his general appearance as the comic relief.

The special effects in this film were laughable, reminiscent of the late eighties or early nineties. In particular, the “Highlander” films are the best examples. Terribly rendered villains, lightning rippling over bodies and dragons flying through the air — it was all hilariously awful.

On the practical effects side, quite a lot of the costume designs and props seemed to be taken directly from the set of “Lord of the Rings.” Two of the swords were direct copies, and shamelessly used, which of course the nerd in me noticed.

The plot was a bit formulaic, in that the heroes and heroine must journey to the dark land to defeat the evil lord. Redemption for evil characters, a budding romance, brooding everywhere: it was all there.
But the thing that made me enjoy this film, despite the overall crappiness of the rest of it, was the fact that any given moment a porno seemed apt to break out. With all of the lingering stares between characters, odd amounts of physical closeness and not so obtuse innuendoes, it was awesome.

Speaking of physical closeness, which in these types of movies typically leads to romance, the main attraction didn’t appear to be between the main hero and heroine. Rather, the most chemistry appeared to be between Kullimon the orc and Nemyt the elf. Breaking traditional love parts in fantasy, this movie was a revelation.

One final thing I noticed is that this movie is at its funniest and most enjoyable when watched with others, to share in the hilarity. On Netflix and easily affordable, I highly recommend it, if only so you can “chuckle sarcastically” throughout.