The greatest playlist of all time: Mine


Gunter Kleist

Kyle Gagnon

Stacks of bangers. Just stacks upon stacks of them. The sheer magnitude of electricity being produced is enough to make the hairs on yo mamma’s back stand on end.

Tilly Tunez: Carefully Curated Heaters is, some say, the greatest Spotify playlist ever conceived by humankind. Created by Kyle Gagnon, who, some say, may just be his generation’s greatest creator of Spotify playlists, Tilly Tunez is best described as the musical equivalent of what the cure for every illness would be to medicine. It goes hard.

“The 100 best songs of all time and forever…. list is subject to change at my discretion, at any time, for any reason. Shuffle for best results,” the list’s bio reads. Gagnon first created his masterpiece while living on Brady Street in Milwaukee, Wisconsin in February 2016.

“The idea just sort of came to me,” Gagnon said. “Enough of these twenty-thousand song playlists full of filler. Keep it to a tight 100 and in order for a new song to be added, the weakest of the current bunch must be culled.”

Philson Wienerlegs is a musical historian who has followed Gagnon since the early days of Tilly Tunez. “The idea was so simple that he couldn’t believe that nobody had ever thought of it before,” Wienerlegs said. “A competitive playlist that, in a Darwinian sense, continues to evolve and grow with the introduction of stronger songs and the excommunication of weaker ones.”

Gagnon’s masterpiece is wildly underappreciated and boasts just 9 followers. What is second to none, however, is the strength of his conviction. “Other people,” Gagnon said. “They say the playlists they make with the music they like are great for them to listen to while they live their lives, but they haven’t heard Tilly Tunez yet.

“This playlist will beat the balls off of you. It’s just banger after heater after ripper after nice-boi. It really never stops. You can’t stop it. Try.”

Gagnon began his career listening at the Dad School of Classic Rock Indoctrination. Years were spent filling his head with the words of the Old Ones; Rush, Styx, Queen, Thin Lizzy. Then came the contemporaries of his childhood; Smashmouth, Sum 41, The Darkness. With the advent of Pandora and Spotify, the modest Vermont boy began to discover the indie pop and rock that would command his attention for the majority of his adult life. Tilly Tunez is his effort to pay homage to his upbringing while still allowing the indie heaters to do most of the heavy lifting on the playlist, he says.

Critics of Tilly Tunez say things like, “You can just tell that this playlist was curated by a white guy from Vermont born in 1990. Slipping Danny Brown and Arrested Development in there isn’t fooling anybody.” This criticism is seen often and most would consider it to be fair.

Supporters like Wienerlegs, however, feel that the genre distribution within the playlist should come as no surprise. “I mean, the guy’s dad is a professional magician. Literally,” Wienerlegs said. “And his mom is named Shari. Fucking Shari. I am not sure what else these critics expect him to come up with.”

It is safe to say that everybody prefers their own taste in music. While it is certainly possible, even common, for another person to introduce you to artists and genres that you can fall in love with. It is virtually impossible for another person to completely reshape the way you think about and consume music. Virtually impossible.
Until Now.

Tilly Tunez has been run through simulators at MIT, Princeton, Yale, and Oregon State University; all of which came to the same conclusion that Tilly Tunez is quantifiably the hottest collection of heaters currently available to the listening public. Never before has an art form been measured with such accuracy as to all but prove that it is objectively better than its competition. But alas, Gagnon, like life itself, seems to have found a way. And with newer, stronger songs being added as they are discovered, Tilly Tunez is in a position to continue to grow into its near-infinite potential.

“The world needs to know about Beach Bunny, Plumtree, Yucky Duster, Zombie Chang, Issy Wood, Radiator Hospital, Sheer Mag, and all my other favorites,” says Gagnon. “Frankly, the world would be a better place if we just replaced everybody’s musical taste with my own. Probably end violence and hunger on a global scale within a matter of weeks, I reckon. I am not trying to come off as cocky or anything, but I am, without a doubt in my mind, the smartest person you’ve ever met.”

We should consider ourselves lucky that someone as wise and as good-looking as Gagnon has been generous enough to give us a peek into how the mind of a true genius works.

“Heaters are the alpha and the omega of great music,” Gagnon said. “If you don’t have the heat, what are you even doing? Taylor Swift’s new album blows.”